7.28.2011

My Take on Maturity

I had this chat with a friend few days ago and I was proud to have said the right things all at the right time. Just a little backgrounder, I have been hearing a lot of rumors lately. Being the ambassador of peace and goodwill (a title I bestowed upon myself) I have met a lot of people in my 25 years of existence, so I get first hand information of things I need to know and even things I don’t need to know. Receiving a SMS about varied information is not new to me but I was still a little annoyed when I heard about the news that apparently a friend of this friend of mine was talking behind my back and saying nasty things. I couldn’t grasp the logic why she hates me that much to say awful things. The immature me kicked in but I decided to suppress it knowing it will do me more harm. I reminded myself not to be consumed by anger and revenge even if the thought of it is very tempting.

To pacify myself, I decided to talk to this friend of mine who in the first place introduced the two of us. Good thing, he said sorry and made a vow to reprimand the guilty party. I admit I was angry at him for even toying with the idea that we could all work together in perfect harmony (hahahaha) when in fact it was obvious from the start that our planets were not revolving around the same orbit. Partly, it was my fault because I allowed it to happen. Lesson learned, no matter how good you are to people, they will still hurt and make fun of you. If it was not meant to be, it can never be.

I blamed their age for the foolish things they did. I know maturity does not come with age but wisdom does. I am older than them so I think I am at the position to be more understanding, to take things at a stride and let things pass. If they ever chance upon this blog, I would like to give you my take on maturity.

1.    Never say or do things when you are angry- Be silent, be still. Never say or do hurtful things which would just worsen things. In silence you hear yourself more. Listen to it, write down your thoughts, when the storm is over read back on what you have written and evaluate your emotions. You will then realize that you could have said all those things and make matters worse.

2.    Closure is the key to moving on- after the anger, talk like normal and learned people do. Explain your points, listen to explanation, forgive and never bring back ghost. Digging up some old issues is a sign that closure has never occurred. We all move on but at some point we never move away. We still get stuck at the same sh*t hole we were before and we cannot ignore the smell. We just have to know that we were able to clean the sh*t but the smell remains. The smell would remind us not to go through the whole stinky process all over again.

3.    Keep your promises- I don’t take promises lightly, so when you vow not to do it again you are asking me to trust you to keep that promise. And when I say “OKAY” I mean it.

4.    Say what you mean and mean what you say- words are powerful, be careful with it.

5.    Lastly, this is the value I live by all my life. “If you trust a man hire him. If you don’t, then do not hire him”. Life is a cycle of hiring and firing people. You take people in, evaluate them and decide if you want them to be a part of your life. When you take them in, you give an implied notion that you trust them. At the end of the day, it is still your call if you want to retain them in your life or let them go.

Our whole life is a constant struggle for acceptance and respect. When I was younger, I wanted to please everybody. I wanted to be the perfect son, friend, employee, and a perfect person. At this age, I realized I don’t need to please anyone, that I don’t need anyone to accept me. I hate explaining myself. For as the old adage would say, “People who loves you won’t need your explanation, and people who just don’t care won’t believe it anyway”. At this point, I really don’t care what other people would think of me. As long as I am doing the good thing I am ought to be doing, then I am at the right track, just another lesson on maturity.

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