7.21.2011

On Losing and Finding


This is a repost actually. I wrote this entry for another blog that I created late last year. I wanted that blog to be a little anonymous and mysterious but I eventually decided to quit writing on it. I just can't hop from one blog to another. It is now secured and locked and I am certain I will never bring that blog up again. I wrote things and dropped some names there and I will surely regret if it gets any association with my current status, that dirty little old blog will ruin me. I decided to take this entry out and post it here because I like this post. It is too personal, too secretive and too tricky to tell.

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One could not phantom the logic behind letting go and holding on or the relationship between losing and finding. Not until you get the bitter sweet taste of it. It is feels like taking a dose of adult paracetamol, it is bitter, hard to swallow tablet but it makes you feel better at the end of the day.

These past months have been a test of character for me. I admittedly got off in a wrong foot this year, ending and starting a year with lies is not a good way to start and end it. I thought I was clever excepting to pull this through when all the while I knew it was bound to be disaster. Half way through the ordeal, I realized I was being saved by an angel. I should have seen it when I first answered that call, when I first replied to that text message, when I first compared the two of you.

When this circus ends, I know I will have to get back to the person who knew me and who cared enough to make me feel loved. The person who remembers every little detail of what I want and hate, who I love and hate, I like and despise. I have to build a relationship with the person who knew me even before all the glitz and glamor, achievement and success, money and fame. I have to keep my promises to the people who cared enough to fulfill their promises and not with the person who promised sweet nothings. For today, I choose to lose you and find that right person.

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